When Germany was defeated by the Western Allied Nations during World War II and unconditionally surrendered in May 1945, the only powerful nation that remained standing and still fighting against the Allies was Japan.
Japan refused to surrender to the terms of Potsdam Declaration that the Allies made on the 26th of July, and that made the United States to drop atomic bombs on Japan’s city of Hiroshima on 9th of August 1945. When they still refused to give up, another atomic bombs were dropped on Nagasaki, three days after the first one.
Well, with the imminent invasion of Japan by the United States and the third atomic bombs drop being on the way, while Soviet Union had also declared war on Japan and was invading the country from another side, Japan eventually surrendered. Thus the World War II was ended.
There are fights you shouldn’t start at all. And if you start because you see the need for them, you must understand when to sheathe your sword.
You must know that there are battles you shouldn’t continue fighting once you see that you are losing and they seem to be more damaging than expected. Now, let’s apply that to marriage.
So many couples have started or entered into battles with their spouses without first counting the cost of those battles and what they could loss, or the damages they would incur if they loss the battle.
You must know when to keep your ego up and when to give up on it in a marital relationship. There are times you must bury your pride. If you see the fight isn’t necessary or that it could lead to bigger problems, you must give up on it.
Any battle you fight with your spouse that’s going to permanently affect your relationship with him or her or damage your marriage is a foolish battle. It doesn’t matter the situation involved or the reason for the fight.
If something was going to affect your marriage negatively and affect your children’s future, you shouldn’t enter into it. And, if you’ve entered, you must quickly seek a way out. Find ways to settle and make peace with your spouse.
There are right places and right periods to claim your rights. Marriage isn’t one of them. Whether you’re right or wrong, saying “I’m Sorry” to your spouse shouldn’t be far from your mouth, whether you’re the husband or the wife.
Japan kept on fighting when it ought to have given up in order to gain peace. No atomic bombs were really used during the war, not even against Germany, until this last month in the war. And that was against Japan. It waited and held the fight longer than normal, until it incurred more damages and lost more lives of its soldiers and Citizens to the needless battles.
Sometimes in marriage, you must give up to go up. There are times that if you keep on holding on in the fight, you’ll keep going down and down until you reach the bottom. Don’t allow yourself to get to the level where you fall and you’re unable to rise again. Or a level where your rising becomes too difficult.
A girl once told me how the fight between her dad and mum was the reason why she lost her admission into a tertiary school. Now she has to wait for another year and spend more money and energy to achieve her desire. She was so sad. But, her case is still better because her parents are now back together with each other.
There are so many children whose life tragedy could be traced back to the battles fought between their parents. Some children have lost their lives because their parents were fighting or had a quarrel with each other. Some have had psychological problems as a result of what they daily witness or once witnessed their parents did.
I remember a lady giving testimony during our King’s School of Marriage (KSM)’s first graduation ceremony, of how that training have helped her and revived her belief in marriage. Because what she daily witnessed as marriage from her parents had made her decide she would never get married.
She said she preferred adopting a child to getting married and having children. You can see how your parental battles and actions could affect your children’s decisions in life.
In one of our coming books titled 21 Things You Must Know, there is a chapter there that talks about the importance of family relationship. I told the story of a young queen, Queen Mary of Scotland.
She died at the young age of 44, spent the last 18 years of her life in prison, and was forced to abdicate her throne and later flee the country, all because of something that started as a rivalry between her and her husband.
A wise woman must know how to make her husband agree with her without causing a fight. A wise man must understand his wife so well to know how to make her come to terms with him without causing any troubles.
When you’re fighting your spouse or before you even begin at all, you must try to see beyond the present and look into the future. You must look beyond yourself. You must look beyond today. You must try to see who and what would be affected if you start or keep the fight.
Don’t think that divorce is just the end of a union between two persons. No, divorce goes beyond that. Especially if children are already involved.
Sometimes divorce could be defined as the end of a season of joy and the beginning of great sorrows, especially for your children.
Divorce doesn’t just affect you. It affects your children and their future. If care is not taken, it could affect them in every major area of their lives. It could destroy them psychologically, academically, spiritually and health-wise.
There are many physical and verbal abuses in marriages that could be prevented or permanently cured with the application of wisdom. Sometimes keeping quiet when necessary could prevent a lot of damages in your marriage.
Giving up your rights for a moment at times could prevent some atomic bombs from being dropped on the Hiroshima of your marriage.
Apologising when you’re not wrong could prevent the Soviet Union from invading your marital land space.
The Bible says wisdom is profitable to direct. Let wisdom direct you. know when to fight and when not to fight. More importantly, let wisdom direct you to know how to fight and win the fight.
Some of us are fighting our spouses when we should be fighting the forces that are working against our marriages.
Sometimes we are fighting our best friends when we ought to be fighting our enemies. In fact, some people fight their best friends as if they’re fighting their worst foes.
Your husband or wife should be your number one friend in life. When you allow bitterness to enter into your heart and make rooms in your life, you’ll begin to see him or her as the worst person in the world.
So, someone who’s supposed to be helping you and who you’re supposed to be helping in life becomes the one you’re both trying to destroy each other, dropping atomic bombs on each other’s Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Marriage is for partnership, not destructions. You ought to work hand in hand with your spouse to help each other fulfil your dreams in life and accomplish great things on earth, not help to destroy each other.
You need to rethink and retrace your steps. Don’t start that fight. And, if you’ve already started, please end the fight right now.
When Japan surrendered in August 1945, the World War II ended and every side sheathed their swords. There was calmness and peace everywhere. People did not continue to die unnecessarily.
Then restoration of what had been lost began and everyone began to laugh again. Fears were gone from the homes and the streets.
Sometimes you need to surrender in order to acquire the calmness and peace that you need in your heart and in your life.
Saying “I’m Sorry” will never kill you, just in case you don’t know. Forget what has happened and what is happening. Look beyond today and see into the future.
Do the needful and let there be peace in your marriage. Help yourself today, help your children tomorrow. Help your marriage and your future. And, if you’re yet to get married, #learn from this, now.
We will like to assist you in any way we can concerning your marriage and relationships, whether your marital relationship as a couple, romantic relationship with your partner, family relationship with your siblings, or even in your relationship with your friends, boss, neighbours, employer or employees.
I am a Marriage Lecturer and Relationships Consultant, and our expertise in our organisation is especially on Marriage Training and Relationships Consultancy.
We have helped so many thousands in the last twenty one months, free of charge. We can help you too. But we no longer work for free.
Please call or WhatsApp +2347030371153 right now and let’s know what you’ll be glad we do for you.
But Please Note That We No Longer Do Free Consulting.
I am A. T. ADENEKAN
Founder, The King’s People Connection & Happy Marriage Training Programme